These 60 Jokes About Aging Make It So Much Funnier To Get Older

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For years to come, you’ll be chuckling at these jokes about old folks. Even funnier the second time around if your memory isn’t as good as it once was!

Nothing is certain in life except death and taxes, as Benjamin Franklin famously observed. Additionally, your skin’s ability to resist gravity will eventually fade. Not that you have to enjoy it, but at least these corny old folks jokes that make light of the inevitable will make you chuckle.

1. What’s the key to being a senior with a smoking hot body?

burning to ashes.

2. What award might the elderly receive for their years of life?

atrophy.

3. There was a couple I knew who raised fruit plants together. They reached a healthy old age.
4. What benefit can old age offer?

that it is brief in duration.

5. The hair on these is not gray! These are the highlights of wisdom.
6. Which underwear line is the most favored by seniors?

It varies.

7. We become excellent multitaskers as we mature. Why, I can urinate and sneeze simultaneously!
8. One advantage of getting older is that your buddies will never be able to recall your secrets!
9. Age is more a mental than physical concern. It truly doesn’t matter if you don’t mind growing older.
10. Why are English muffins so popular among the elderly?

Every cranny and corner.

11. Give them up on being called “hot flashes.” Consider them as the matches-playing inner child.
12. How do dentures compare to the moon?

They both appear at night.

13. As I’ve gotten older, everything is at last beginning to make sense to me. My neck, my back, and my knees
14. I’ve made the decision that any age is the new thirty!
15. What rises but never falls?

How old you are.

16. I just made a call to the incontinence hotline. They requested that I hold on.
17. Out of all your kids, your spouse is the only one who refuses to grow up and move out.
18. My dream has always been to wed Mrs. Right. I simply had no idea that “Always” would be her first name.
19. An elderly man takes a seat next to an elderly woman who is seated at a bar. “So, how often do I come here?” he asks.
20. I informed my doctor that I would start defying my wife since I needed to perspire every day.
21. My spouse prepares meals for me as if I were a goddess, setting burning offerings in front of me.
22. What is a good place for unmarried guys over 65 to meet attractive younger women?

In the “Fiction” section of the bookshop.

23. Arguing with your partner is similar to attempting to go over the terms and conditions of a new service. Ultimately, you simply click “I agree” and give up.
24. What is the reason for marrying an elder than yourself?

As your appearance ages, so will their vision.

25. My wife screamed at me, “You know, I was a fool when I married you,” following a heated argument. “That may be true, but I was in love and didn’t notice it,” I retorted.
26. Show your youngsters kindness. Your nursing home is their choice.
27. Why are retirees always grinning?

since they are deaf and cannot hear anything you say.

28. Husbands are similar to lawn mowers in that they are difficult to start, smell bad, and only function 50% of the time.
29. A lengthy, delicious dream is what love is like. The alarm clock is marriage.
30. Apparently, I shouldn’t introduce my wife with the phrase “Oh, this old thing?”
31. What do you call a Monday enthusiast?

retired.

32. When your colleagues dress in clothes from your youth and refer to it as vintage, you know it’s time to retire.
33. In actuality, more people die in retirement than ever before due to hard work.
34. It’s great to be retired. It’s staying silent without fear of being discovered.
35. When is the ideal time to begin making retirement plans?

prior to the supervisor.

36. I just took an aptitude test at work, and the results showed that retirement was the type of career I was most suited for.
37. What is essential to a well-planned retirement?

a strict nap schedule.

38. In between doctor’s appointments is retirement.
39. While it’s not everything, having money helps you stay in touch with your kids.
40. Retiring can sometimes be the best part of your career.
41. The retiree’s wife was exhausted; why?

For half the pay, she received a spouse twice as much.

42. What is the opposite of middle age?

being aware that you’ll get over it.

43. How many retirees does changing a lightbulb require?

One, but it will require a full day.

44. When it comes to sick pay, retirement is like one huge sick day.
45. When your birthday cake becomes a fire hazard, you know you’re getting old.
46. “Pasture Prime” is the name I’ll give to any horse property I decide to purchase in my later years.
47. When your doctor recommends you see an archaeologist, you know you’re growing old.
48. You’re not aging; rather, you’re becoming legendary.
49. The alternative is far worse than being an old person.
50. It becomes later in the evening the older we get.
51. When your birthday cake becomes a fire hazard, you know you’re getting old.
52. Individuals who are old are simply youthful people who have lived an extremely long time.
53. Wisdom and hair in strange places come with age.
54. I would like to kindly propose that you begin lying about your age this year.
55. It’s too difficult to climb back up again, so don’t let age bring you down.
56. As I age, I’m becoming wider rather than wiser!
57. Wisdom comes with age… and early-bird discounts!
58. I only perform pole dancing in the bathtub while clinging to the safety bar because that’s how old I am.
59. Looking at the bright side, getting older isn’t all that horrible.
60. Aging well is a polite way of suggesting that your appearance is deteriorating over time.